Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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