mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
