guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
