yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
