I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
