bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
