fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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