I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
