You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
