The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
