im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
