Dude my mom stole all your condoms
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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