Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
