btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
