John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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