At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
my liver is dry heaving
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
