I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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