I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
