someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
