She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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