Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
