i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
