I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Randomize
