You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Randomize
