if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
