Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I just got carded by a ten year old.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Randomize
