Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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