She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Randomize
