I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
We left the knife in your bed.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
