I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
