ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
