i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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