Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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