its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize
