So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
