If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Randomize
