my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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