So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Randomize
