It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
