tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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