So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
The beers last night were like the tears from god
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
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