im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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