Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
