I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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