Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
