NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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