Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
