If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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