I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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