drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Houston, we have a blender
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
