just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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