dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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