but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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