You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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