blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
