Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
