Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
