Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
