I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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