Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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