His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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