I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
