At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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