I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Randomize
