Quick, to the slutcave!
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
im holly from the hills drunk
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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