i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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