im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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