I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
