sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
operation have a gay friend backfired
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
