Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize