phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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