I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
