i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
