I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
