are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
